Harry's body gaurds
by MollyWKUK
Summary: If you guys feel like laughing, you better read this story!Something happens between Harry and Luna that makes Harry so upset he has to get body guards! It's a funny story so read it please. Then Voldemort comes, and it gets funnier. Woo
1. The Reason

"harry come on!" yelled Ron.

"NO!" yelled Harry.

Ron and Hermione were standing outside of Harry's room talking to him beond the door.

"This is silly Harry, you have to face Luna someday," said Hermione she was leaning against the door waiting for Harry's reply.

"No I don't" Harry yelled back, "I can stay in here forever!"

"Ow man, he's really upset about this whole Loony Lovegood thing, in fact I think he's acting a bit loony!" said Ron, he only ment for Hermione to hear him.

"I can still hear you Ron!"

"Oh sorry mate."

"Harry, Ron shouldn't be sorry. He's right, now you should come out and go eat breakfast in the Great Hall. Beside's you have classes later," said Hermione, she was trying so ahrd to convince Harry to come out that she even said the words, 'go eat' to him!

Harry opened the door and stepped out, "okay but...I need body gaurds!"

"Oh boy," said Ron and Hermione together. Later that day Harry ran back in his room, not to hide but to make posters.

"What do you think he ran in his room for?" asked Hermione, looking a bit puzzled.

"Well I guess to hide from Luna."

"He seemed fine in the Great Hall."

"You know he never really told us exactly what happened with Luna."

"I know..." Hermione walked up to Harry's room and knocked.

"Who is it?" called Harry.

"It's Hermione and Ron! Who else would it be?"

"It could've been Luna," said Harry, he opened the door for them and they walked in.

"Luna's in Ravenclaw! No way she could get in here!" said Ron, he looked at all of the papers on the floor.

"What do you need all this parchment for?" asked Hermione.

"Well like I said I need body gaurds, so I made flyers!"

"It says there will be tryouts in the Common Room at 11:30 PM," said Hermione, she was reading one of the flyers.

"Yes and I need you need to put a water proof spell on it."

"Yes well I understand..."

"Oh and a fire proof spell."

"Um mate don't you think your going a bit over the top with a fire proof spell?" asked Ron.

"Ha! No of course not! If I have a water proof spell how would I put out the fire?" said Harry, as he was tapping his head.

"Er...right, good call mate." Harry, Ron, and Hermione headed down to the COmmon Room to put the posters up. Harry, Ron, and Hermione put a few posters in the Common Room, on the boy's doors, and the girls.

"Well that takes care of that! Now all we have to do is wait," said Harry.

They came back in the common room at 11:15 to prepare.

"Well I need someone...trust worthy. Also to hide me from Luna."

"Hey do you think they could keep Snape and Malfoy away from us too?" asked Ron. They all chuckled for a few seconds and then the fun ended. Someone was walking down the steps with...a flyer in his hands!

"Hello..." It was Neville he sounded scared.

"Harry did you put your name on the posters?" whispered Hermione, the three of the them were sitting in a dark corner, nobody could see their faces.

"No, I forgot," whispered Harry.

"Um...hi...I'm Neville Longbottom and I came about this...position."

"It's okay Neville it's just us, Harry, Ron, and Hermione," said Ron.

"Lumos" said Hermione, her wand flickered with light. The others did the same.

"So Neville you say you want to be a body gaurd," said Harry.

"Um yeah."

"Well you can't so be gone! Bye!" Neville ran out crying.

"Harry! That wasn't very nice," said Hermione.

"Oh well."

The next day Ron and Hermione were already in the Great Hall when Harry walked through the door he had five people around him..his body gaurds.

"Um...is that Harry?" asked Hermione.

"I guess so, their coming this way."

"Hey guys," cried out Harry from behind his body gaurds.

"Harry we can't talk to you like this," said Ron, "and you never told us what Lunda did."

"You want to know? Well why don't you ask her yourself she's coming this way! MOVE OUT BOYS! HEAD TO THE DOOR!" Harry, surrouned by his body guards, all ran in the oppisite direction.

"Hi Ron, Hermione."

"Hi Luna," said Ron and Hermione.

"So er...can we talk for a minute Luna?" asked Hermione.

"Well..we are now...so what's up?"

"So Luna...we were wondering why Harry hates you so much."

"He hates me? The last thing I remeber was that we were walking down the hall way and he said hi Luna then...I stepped on his...I stepped on his TOE!"

"that's all? That's what he's so worked up about!" yelled Ron.

"Oh yeah...I also kissed him so hard he slapped me."

"Er...oh..bye," said Hermione. Then her and Ron ran.

" Wow, no wonder Harry's so worked up about this!" cried out Ron.

"I know Luna really is loony. Let's go find Harry back in the tower."

So Ron and Hermione ventured on up to the tower.

"Hi guys whats up?" asked Harry.

"Um...well...we sorta went to talk to Luna...and she told us everything," said Ron.

"yeah who knew she acts that way!" said Hermione.

"So is she going to buy me new shoes or not?"

"WHAT!" yelled Ron and Hermione at the same time.

"She stepped on my shoes! Didn't she tell you that?"

"We thought you were mad because she kissed you!"

"No that part was okay."

"Oh, where's your body guards?"

"I fired them because Collin stepped on my shoes while trying to take a picture of me." "Oh...wait I thought Luna said you slapped her," said Hermione.

"I did, but not because of the kiss, because of my shoes."

"Oh okay...well me and Ron have to go...um...do...something...yeah so bye harry!" So Ron and Hermione went in some where to be alone.

"Gosh we have to make sure we stand clear of his shoes, Hermione!"

"Yes, yes, this I know Ron. Who knew he was a crazy shoe freak? I mean come on we all wear the same things here!"

"No your wrong there! No way would you ever catch me in a skirt!"

"oh shut-up Ron you know what I mean."

"Yeah I do. Well I hope Luna buys him new shoes."

"Oh shut-up."

STAY TUNED! 


	2. his new shoes

Harry was bravely sitting in the great hall with no body guards.

"Hey Hermione, Ron," said Harry.

"Hey Harry," said Hermione and Ron as they sat down next to him.

"Have you talked to Luna lately?" asked Ron.

"No, I don't dare go near her! I mean come on she wouldn't buy me new shoes so I had to go out and by my own!" complained Harry, slamming down his fork.

"Um...Harry did you even ask Luna to buy you new shoes?" asked Hermione looking at Harry concernly, "Because she didn't even know that you were mad at her."

"Well...no...I havne't talked to Luna sense the incident...but she should have known why I was mad!" yelled Harry, as he jumped up and faced Hermione.

"Um Harry sit down," whispered Hermione.

"Uh...okay." They sat in silence the rest of the time.

Later that day, some where in a hall Luna was passing by Harry but he didn't notice because he was to busy humming to himself.

"La la la la! I'm the great and wonderfull Harry Potter! LA LA LA!"

"Um Harry.." started Luna, and she tapped him on his shoulder.

"ahhhhh! It's voldemort and he's trying to kill me!...oh it's only you Luna, next time don't scare me like that!" yelled Harry, and he was flinging his finger in front of her face like a mom would do to her child when they did something wrong.

"Why would you think that Voldemort would come in this school un-seen and tap you on the shoulder and say, um harry?"

"Hey anything can happen!"

"Right...well anyway I just wanted to give you these," said Luna and then she handed him a box.

"I don't want a freaking box you loony!" complained Harry.

"No you git open the box."

"Oh..." So harry open the box and what was inside will stay a mystery...not really, of course it was a new pair of shoes.

"YEAH! NOW I HAVE BACK UP SHOES!" Then he ran to his common room to tell Hermione and Ron the good news.

"Hey look!" shouted Harry and he opened the box to show Ron and Hermione.

"Yeah nice shoes Harry..." said Hermione.

"What? They look just like the one's he has on now!" yelled Ron.

"Well yeah they are, Luna just gave me these and they will be my back up shoes just in case someone steps on these, well got to go!" Then Harry ran off.

"Where do you think he had to go?" asked Ron.

"Well it is Harry were talking about, for all we know he could be showing off his new shoes to Neville, Dean, and Seamus," sighed Hermione.

"I think Harry needs help."

"Oh well we can't do nothing about it now."

"Hey! Only one good thing comes of Harry's shoe obsession!" exclaimed Ron.

"What good could possiable come of this?"

"Now we don't have to ponder over what to get Harry for Christmas!...or his birthday forthat matter!"

"Oh honestly Ron...actually you make a good point."

Some where over the rainbow...I mean in the halls Harry was skipping for joy down the halls yelling and singing about his new shoes, "I got a golden ticket!...I mean, I got some brand new shoes! la la la your all seeing the wizard, the wonderfull wizard of hogwarts..." Suddenly while Harry was carelessly singing and jumping in the halls Neville ran into him and Harry dropped his shoe box with his new shoes in them.

"Oh I'm so sorry Harry!" exclaimed Neville. Harry was in tears and looked down at his new shoes sprawled on the ground, then he looked up at Neville with hate in his eys, "YOU! YOU DID THIS!..."

"Look Harry I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

"THEY NEVER EVEN HAD A CHANCE! They were inocent! You did this just because you were mad at me for not letting you be my body guard, well tough nuggets Neville because YOU SUCK! YOUR A BRAINLESS COWARD SO YOU WOULD FAIL AT YOUR DUITIES OF BEING MY BODY GUARD!"

"uh..." Then Neville ran...out of pure fear.

What will happen next? I dunno yet... 


	3. Poor Spanky?

Okay yes I'm finanlly updating this story...it's just I was like brain dead and ran out of ideas. Right now I stil don't have an idea so hopefully I have some funny thoughts as I try and write...

Neville had already ran away and Harry was left in the hall to cry over his shoes...

"NO! Why? WHY!" cried Harry, he was mourning over his shoes that were knocked out of his hands by Neville Longbottom.

"Hello Harry," said Hermione who was coming up behind Harry.

Harry paying no mind to Hermione kept on talking about his shoes, "Why did it have to be your Spanky? My poor new shoes! Neville will pay! He will pay! No really he'll have to pay me some gallons and sickles for these shoes..."

"Hmm he named his shoes?" asked Hermione, more to herself rather than to Harry. Harry was just sitting there crying until Hermione spoke more directly to him she tapped him on the shoulder and yelled, "HARYY!"

"AHHH It's really voldemort this time! He's coming to kill me! I can tell it's him by the sound of his ugly voice.." He stopped when he turned around and saw Hermione,"I mean...APril Fools Hermione!"

"Harry...It's October..."

"OH right that's what I ment...er...October fools!"

"Shut-up Harry, and why are you crying over that box that Luna gave you?"

"Well Neville knocked the box out of my hands...POOR SPANKY THE SHOES!"

"But Harry...their in a box...the shoes are unharmed.."

Harry looked up at Hermione and then looked back down at the box, what she said was indeed true. The lid was still on the box so he lifted the lid off and looked at his shoes all safe and snug in it's wrappings...

"Oh so they are, I'm glad I have a smart friend like you Hermione."

"Yeah..."

"Neville still should get in trouble for this...I should hire someone to attack him...or something."

"Harry! How dare you say that! I'm sure Neville didn't mean to do it."

"Oh I know he didn't mean to do it but it still happend so he should pay!"

"Oh no..." Then Hermione watched as she saw Harry walk away and she just knew that Harry was thinking up a crazy nutty shocking plan to get Neville back...

"I just know that Harry is thinking up a crazy nutty shocking plan to get Neville back..."

Some where Hermione is not but Harry is. Harry is thinking up an evil crazy plan...

"Yes my plan is perfect Ron!"yelled Harry now talking to Ron about the whole thing. (But he made it sound like Neville pushed him and was trying to steal his shoes...but a little lie can't hurt :P)

"What is it again, Harry?"

"Well I have to find someone to be my body guard-" Harry was cut off by Ron

"Wait I thought you already tried the 'body guard' thing and it didn't work out."

"Well that was when I think I had about five body guards...But this time I'll only have one strong mother f-"

"Don't finish that sentence."

"What all I was gonna say was I'll have one strong mother friendly guy.."

"Oh...um...right...of course you were..."

"Well I have to go spread the news that the Great and cool Harry Potter is looking for body guards again."

"Okay bye." 


	4. The creepy dark stranger

Later some time in the dead of night. Harry was having more body guard auditions in the Great Hall.

"Hello? Is this the body guard auditions for Harry Potter?" asked a squeaky voiced dude.

"Why yes, yes it is. Please state your name, age, grade level, and what house your in," came Harry's reply.

"My name is Colin, I'm a fifth-"

"Colin! Get out of here! You were my body guard last time and you stepped on Tommy!"

"Who is Tommy?"

"My other shoes name!"

"Well then...I guess I'll just go then."

"Yeah you should."

Colin was getting up to leave but before he did he snapped a shot of Harry and then RAN!

"Foolish children. NEXT!" Some talk black-hooded like figure dude walked into the room, remember it's dark so they can't see one another.

"Please state your name, age, grade level, and what house your in."

"Harry potter?"

"Yes that would be me, your big fat moron."

"I have a...proposition to make with you."

"Oh, and what kind of proposition?"

"Well from what I hear, your trying to get Neville back for when he stepped Spanky-"

"STALKER! I mean...just how did you find out this information?"

"Why I was stalking you in the halls."

"Uh, fair enough, so do you have a plan Tom?"

"UHHHH why did you just call me Tom?"

"I said it in memory of my old shoes, why do you sound all jumpy about it?"

"Uh uh uh, No reason, that's not my name if that's what you mean!"

"what? Are you keeping something from me? Is there something you need to clear off your chest?"

"Besides the fact that your the only boy who lived-"

"What was that?"

"UHHH nothing!"

"So once again, what is it that you have in store for me?"

"My wand..."

"I'm sorry! But if you really want to talk to me, the grand great Harry Potter, then you'll have to speak up!"

"WELL EXCUSE ME! Who died and left you in charge? Oh wait your parents and your god-father died!"

"OKAY that's it! Who is this!"

"Na na na na na boo boo, I'll never tell."

"I have a wand you know!"

"Kid, I have supporters, what cha gotta say now!"

"What are you talking about? And what's your proposition!"

"Oh right, well I was thinking about getting one of my guys on...Neville.."

"and what do you get out of this?"

"Why I get you to sign this contract below..." this strange man hands Harry a slip of paper.

"It's to dark, I can't read it!"

"Basically your selling your life to the...dark-hooded figure."

"what!"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yes you did!"

"Um...must have been my shoes, they talk to me often."

"SO your shoes want to kill me?" cried Harry.

"Why...yes, yes they do. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT HARRY THEIR COMING FOR YOU!" He takes off his shoe and throws it at Harry.

"IT'S EATING MY FACE! HELP ME STRANGE MASKED FIGURE!"

"I'm sorry, I can't understand you."

"Hmm that's funny I don't know where the shoe went..."

"Right..." the strange dude picked back up his shoe and put it back on.

"Well your starting to creep me out so...NEXT!"

"SILECNE! You cannot 'NEXT' me! I cancel myself away!"

"Well freak, your creeping the hell out of me, now all I want is a body guard and so far all you've done is give me a head ache!" he grabbed his scar in pain.

"That's not all I've done, remember 16 years ago when you were just a baby, I did something to your head then to."

"Oh cool, did you know my parents...you know what that's besides the point! If you want to be my body guard please state your name, age, grade level, and what house your in!"

"Why fine! My name is Tom Mar-"

"Hey wait a minute you said your name wasn't Tom!"

"I lied, and my age is ...old and-"

"Hey wait a minute! Are you Tom who owns the leaky cauldron?"

"What? No! Shut-up fool! I'm Tom Riddle who is known as VOLDEMORT!"

"Ha ha, oh that's rich that's rich."

"Okay earlier you thought Luna and Hermione were Voldemort but you don't think I am!"

"ha ha!"

"That's it! LUMOS!" And suddenly Harry and a clear view of Voldemort...the actual voldemort.

"mommy..."

"Poor boy! But your mommy's dead!"

Stay Tuned! 


	5. HArry and Ron sing to Voldy

So Harry was left alone in the great hall with VOLDEMORT!

"RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!" yelled Harry, hoping someone would hear his strange crys for help.

"Foolish boy! I know dark magic! I can make this room un-hearable."

"NOOOOO! I feel loss of air from my lungs already!"

"Well then stop screaming!"

"Jeez, who died and made you boss? Oh wait, your father abandend you and your mother died because she was madly in love with that pathetic muggle, aww little ol' Voldy has his daddy waddy's eyes!"

"SILENCE!"

"SILENCEO!"

"What?" Voldemort demanded.

"Isn't that Spanish for silence?"

"I don't know!"

"Come on, your supposed to be all big and bad, and you can't even speak another language?"

"Sure I can! I can speak English."

"Dude...that's the language were speaking now..."

"Psht, to me it isn't! Have you ever been to AMerica? They swithced the English language around so bad, you'll have to buy and English to English dictinary!"

"Ha ha, your a funny loser, Voldy."

"AHH! That's right, your Harry Potter! I'm here to crack your head, not crack jokes-"

"Well you sure do "crack" something..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing..cough druggy cough"

"Dear boy, if your going to go in coughing fits, please do not do it while you were saying something. I swear. the nerve of kids these days..."

Suddenly the doors open and in came Ron, he spoke, "Oh, sorry Harry, I forgot what choo were doing in here."

"No Ron wait! It's Voldemort in here!"

"Yeah, sure, before you thought Luna and Hermione were Voldemort."

"Ha ha, but it truely is me! And now you can die right beside you buddy!" laughed Voldemort.

"But...but...all right."

"Oh yeah, let's sing it to him Ron to make the time go by."

"Cool." So Harry and Ron started singing! (A/N: I didn't write this, it's to the tune of Hakuna Matata)

Ron and Harry :Avada Kedavra What a horrible phrase Avada Kedavra You'll see a big green blaze Before you realize That's the end of your days It's Voldy's moral-free Malignity Avada Kedavra

Ron: Yeah, take Harry for example. (sings)Before he was at Hogwarts

Harry: (opera style) Before I was at Hogwarts!

Ron: (digging in ear with pained expression on face)Lovely, Harry

Harry: (spoken) Thank you.

Ron: His parents were nice, young Lily and James A great witch and wizard with a well-known name

Harry: Then Voldemort came- Through our door he burst And he killed them, with that one atrocious curse And oh!- the pain!

(Ron: Yes, he was in pain)

Harry: Thought of changing my name!

(Ron: Oh, what's in a name?)

Harry: 'Till I went to Hogwarts

(Ron: Where did you go?)

Harry: It's located in-

Ron: (covering Harry's mouth) Harry! Not in front of the muggles!

Avada Kedavra What a horrible phrase Avada Kedavra You'll see a big green blaze Before you realize That's the end of your days It's Voldy's moral-free Malignity Avada Kedavra

"Enough!" yelled Voldemort, "You shall personally see how that curse feels now!"

"Oh but I already have so...bye," said Harry.

"Oh no you will not get away!" Harry and Ron made a break for it.

StaY TUNED! 


	6. Land of FuckAHoe!

Harry and Ron continued to run, and run, and run, and run, and they ran some more.

"Harry! Where are we running to!" Ron painted.

"To Dumbledores office of course!" Harry said back like Ron is stupid.

"Sorry, I'm stupid."

"I know," harry said still running, "that's why I said it like you were stupid." 

"...right..." So they ran, sprinted, started to jog, and walked in his office smoothly like their to cool for running, then in their girly voices they called out to dumbledore.

"Domby! DOMBY DOMBY DOMBY DOMBY! VOLDY LOCKS IS HERE AND HE WANTS MY PORRAIGE!" yelled Harry. He gave himself a perplexed look then said again, "wait, that's not right." Then harry passed out from the excitement.

Ron interveined, "Dumbledore! you-know-who is here to kill us all!"

"Why, Ron," Big-D said, "I know a lot of people. So how am I supposed to know who "you-know-who" is?

"Come on! You know his name! It's THE you-know-who!"

"SAY HIS NAME RON!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT!"

"NO!"

"Really now, we could keep this up all day and raise our voices (indication of the exclamation marks), but I'd rather just you say Voldemort."

"You do know who you-know-who is! You knew that you knew the whole time with me not knowing, so I would say you-know-whos name, with you hoping that I wouldn't know what you knew!"

"Okay, really young one, I didn't catch that. Can you run that by me again?"

"You do know who you-know-who is! You knew that you knew the whole time with me not knowing, so I would say you-know-whos name, with you hoping that I wouldn't know what you knew!...wait! You knew what I said, you just wanted to see if I knew what I said, you know what, you suck more than you-know who!"

"Ron, my dear boy, please enough of this "you-know-who" nonsense. Can we just all call him Tom? Or Riddle? Or The-Muggle-Hating-Mutha-Fruitcake-freak!"

"DUMBLEDORE!"

"Oh, sorry. Oh yeah, I should probable wake Harry up from his faint." 

Out side of Dumbledores office was Voldemort.

"Gummy Worms!"

"Water works!"

"Deleted!"

"What is that gosh darn password of his!" Voldemort was nearly pulling out what was left of his hair, which were little shrubs he glued on, out of his head! Suddenly some first year walked by and said to Voldy, "It's uFuckAhoe."

"What did you just say to me young man?"

The littel boy turned pale and repeated, "the password is...fuckahoe. It's a new country in the muggle world, Dumbledore found it hilarious."

"Well, okay young one, scurry along." The little boy was walking away when Voldy said, "What am I doing?" He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the boy!

"Alickastick!" Suddenly a lolly-pop appeared in the little boys hands and Voldemort yelled out as the kid was skipping away in glee, "I couldn't let you run off without an award! Don't get to sick young man!" Then Voldy chuckled to himself and went up to dumbledores office.

Dumby, Harry, and Ron were all standing up in the office when Dumby said, "Voldemorts here! And he wants to kill?"

"YES!" Ron and Harry yelled.

"This is going to kill me as a headmaster! Why, this is going to look bad! I gotta get out of here! I've gotta flee the country! I know, I'll move to fuckahoe!" After saying that, he broke out in a giggling fit, and he started packing. "You two need to get out of my office! GO!"

Ron and Harry gave each other un-easy glances, then Voldy bear came in!"

"And I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your brains out!"

"Ahh I'm to late!" yelled Dumby!

STAY TUNED!

I had to end it now, because I didn't want to write another part with Voldy with them. I need to save my brain. 


	7. JUMP OUT THE WINDOW!

"la la la la! I'm gonna kill you! La la la la! I'm gonna eat your brains!" sang Voldemort, because he finally got Harry and Dumbledore together to kill!

"So you sing about it?" asked Harry.

"Why yes! That's what you and the big bad wolf did to me two chapters ago!"

"Oooh yeah..." said Harry and Ron together.

"Well, would you look at the time, I would stay and chat but I seriously got to go," said dumbeldore as he JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW!...AND LIVED!

"Damnt it...I didn't think he'd get away so quickly...and especially with a lame line like that..." said Voldemort, staring at the floor talking more to himself than anyone else.

Ron took a deep breath and said, "Well, would you look at the time, I would stay and chat but I seriously got to go!" Then Ron...JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW!...AND LIVED!

"Damn it...I can't believe I fell for that...AGAIN!" Voldemort was practically beating himself up over it.

Harry sighed and walked to the window and said, "Well, would you look at the time, I would stay and chat but I seriously got to go!" Then Harry...TRIED to jump out the window, but accidently ran into the wall, and fell back on the floor. "Well, that didn't work out as to how I planned...let me try again. So Harry JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW!...AND DIED!

"Ha ha ha! Harry Potter died by jumping out the window!"

Harry popped up off the ground and yelled back, "Ha ha, sike! You actually thought I died, oh that's still rich Voldy, that's rich!"

So Harry, Dumbledore, and Ron ran away from the school, leaving every single un knowing student and teacher behind.

"Where are we going to go Dumplings?" shrieked Harry, running and sqeuling all at the same time.

"We going to FuckaHoe!"

"DUMBLEDORE!" yelled Harry and Ron at the same time of course, they wouldn't settle for less.

"It's a land, you idiots!"

"DUMBLEDORE!" yelled Harry and Ron, still together because they think that their cool.

"You know what, you two are dead weight!" Then DUmbledore apperaited to FuckaHoe.

"Now what'll we do?" asked Ron.

"I don't know," replied Harry, "In fact, I don't know anything at all because MollyBurleyFools, the author, has nothing left to say."

STAY TUNED

I know that was probable the WORST thing you've ever read, but I was so determined to add another chapter, I couldn't think of anything to write about, I hate serious stuff, so I tried to think of funny. I came up with nothing. DON'T HOLD THIS CHAPTER AGAINST ME! 


	8. We can be Heroes!

When we last left our so called "heroes" Dumbledore left to FuckaHoe...THE LAND! And Harry and Ron were left behind.

"What do you think we should do?" asked Ron.

"Um...act like this never happened?" Harry said hopefully, then quickly added. "OR! Go back up to the castle and pretend like Dumbeldore never left us, and we can just act like heroes to everyone, sound good?"

Ron was nodding his head so hard, Harry thought it was going to fall off. So he stuck his hand on Ron's forhead.

"Um Harry...what are you doing?" Ron was staring at the hand on his head.

"I thought your head was going to fall off...I was just giving you a hand. hahahahahaha!" Harry laughed.

"What...what's so funny?" Ron looked scared.

"haha, um...I said I gave you a hand...Um, I dunno, I thought it sounded funny..."

"How about we forget this little conversation and just go be heroes now? Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

So Harry and Ron walked back up to the school, they were a little late, all the kids must have got word Voldemort was in the castle because there were billions and millions of kids running around screaming. 

They could see these two certain students running up and down the same stairs yelling the same two things over and over. "I'm Asian! I don't even go to this school!"

"Who are those two idiots?" Ron pointed to those two girls.

"Oh, that's Molly and Odelie," said Harry back, acting like he was smart.

"Um...how do you know?"

"Because they have name tags on."

"oooh...let's go stop Voldemort!"

"ARE YOU CRAZY!"

"I thought that's why we came up here...?"

"Oh my dear Ronny boy, we came back to PRETEND to be heroes, to tell everyone, look heroic...but everyone seems to already know."

"I wonder how..." 

"Yes...I wonder..." Harry and Ron stroked their chins and had a deep thought look on their faces, while all the students were still running...and screaming...and fainting from running and screaming.

"I know! I'll ask everyone how they found out!" cried Harry.

"Yes! You do that," engouraged Ron. So harry stood up on something, and put a spell on his voice so he 's louder than everyone.

"ATTENTION! ATENTION EVERYONE!" People were still running, but Harry was louder so everyone could hear him. "HOW DID YOU GUYS FIGURE OUT THAT VOLDEMORT WAS IN THE CASTLE?"

EVERYBODY stood still, frozen, no sound, and then the girls went all sqeemish and screamed and yelled, "AHHH VOLDEMORTS IN THE FUCKING CASTLE!" Teachers rushed up to Harry telling him to stop with his non sense and striking panic on the students.

"But the students were already in panic, proffesor!" complained Harry.

"Yeah, if they didn't know about Voldemort, what were they screaming about?" asked Ron.

"Because Dumbeldore is no where to be found!" McGonigal said back.

"Oooh..." said Ron and Harry together...

"My bad," sighed Harry.

"Yes...you wouldn't happen to know anything about Dumbeldore's where abouts, would you?"

"No, not a clue, we don't know he's on his way to FuckaHoe, he didn't leave us," said Ron fastly, trying to act cool.

"Right, as sure as Potter's parents aren't dead and Sirus is at home making breakfast," snapped McGonigal knowing that Ron was lying.

"WAAHHH! What a bad example!" cried Harry through tear streaked eyes.

"Oops."

"Well if this is how students act if Dumbelodore's just gone, I hate to see them when they actually see Voldemort's in the school," said Harry. Then suddenly Voldemort appeard before all of their very eyes.

There was silence, and then a loud gasp from EVERYONE at the same time. Then the entire school fainted, all but Harry, Ron, and those two girls...Molly and Odelie.

"Well...I guess that would happen," sighed Harry.

"RUUUNNNN!" yelled Ron, pointing at voldemort and tyring to run out of there...which was very hard because of all the fainted bodies lying on the ground. "Damn it! I can't get out of here fast enough!" complained Ron. Harry was just staring at the scene, and noticed Molly and Odelie.

"So...that's what everyone's afraid of here?" asked Molly, talking to Odelie.

"Um...I suppose, I don't see the big fuss...he looks pretty old and rather dead to me," Odelie said back. They both noticed Ron and Harry, so they went over to them.

"Hello, I'm Molly and this is Odelie," said MOlly talking to Harry and Ron, ron decided to come back over to Harry. Molly pointed to the Asian girl named Odelie.

"Hello Molly, and hello beautiful," said Harry giving Odelie a wink.

"Guys! Voldemorts still in the building!" yelled Ron. All four of them slowly turned their heads behind them to glance at Voldy, and Voldy waved back. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" they all screamed and high-taled it out of there! They were jumping from person to person...ouch, talk about painful.

STAY TUNED!  
dun dun dun 


End file.
